Question: How to behave in Finland?

[joanmanuel]

Greetings:
I have a question, I am planning to studying a masters degree in Helsinki, and I would get some advice on how to behave in Finland, mainly about knowing new friends (girls and men). Actually I am living in South America, and well you know, how we are the latinoamericans guys, we express our feelings and thoughts in a way that some people would think to be too freely.
Last year I was like two weeks in Helsinki, but I felt so alone and also confused, because sometimes I saw that the people was really serious, so I was a little bit afraid to start a conversation to know a little bit more about the city, ways of being and so on.
Geez... eventhough this is not the first time that I am going to be studying outside my country, but I think that a few advices will be great for me, so if anyone could help me feel free to do it
Thanks

[Pursuivant]

OK, you can practice this at home, just need to change your diet. First eat only beans and garlic for a week so you do not dare go closer than one meter to people, so you get the instinct to keep the right distance. Then have two raw eggs that are greased in your hands, so you keep your hands where they belong in one place, and not move them around. Finally, fill your mouth with very sticky candy so your teeth stick together, so you do not keep your mouth open that much, and have some sour candy so your mouth cringes...

[Jukka Aho]

I would get some advice on how to behave in Finland, mainly about knowing new friends (girls and men). Actually I am living in South America, and well you know, how we are the latinoamericans guys, we express our feelings and thoughts in a way that some people would think to be too freely. Last year I was like two weeks in Helsinki, but I felt so alone and also confused, because sometimes I saw that the people was really serious, so I was a little bit afraid to start a conversation to know a little bit more about the city, ways of being and so on.

The question is a bit too general to give any specific advice but here’s a couple of quickies anyway:

• Finns have a bigger “personal space” than some other countries and cultures. You don’t generally sit really close right next to someone if there’s space to sit on the opposite side or farther away, etc. When speaking with people you don’t you don’t know very well, you don’t generally touch them (for example, by casually resting your hand on their arm or shoulder), except for shaking their hands if it is a formal introduction or tapping on their shoulder if that’s necessary to get their attention. And you don’t lean close to a kissing or smelling-your-breath range in a face-to-face discussion or stand uncomfortably close to other people while having a conversation when there’s room to take a step back. Those sort of things. Watch other people and emulate.
• The exception to the above: Finns don’t usually bother with excuse-mes while squeezing through crowds. It is kind of expected that people who are blocking the way will accept other people invading their personal space and brushing off at a close range without notification. (You might hear a random anteeksi if it’s a really tight spot and there’s no other way to get through.)
• People tend to mind their own business, not interfering with yours and not taking much eye contact unless you specifically come up to them and ask about something. Believe it or not, there are Finns who will spontaneously start an idle conversation with strangers about weather and such, and question you about where you’re from and what you’re planning to do, but they’re in the minority and some would probably consider them a nuisance. (This doesn’t mean that asking questions or starting up an intelligent conversation about something would be considered bad manners; just that idle chatting about “nothing at all” among strangers is not required or, generally speaking, expected.)

Stereotypes are of course stereotypes and you will encounter lots of people – individuals – who won’t fit into any stereotypical mold. In the student circles, try joining the different clubs and organizations or attending to the various student parties and events. Perhaps you could even volunteer in helping to arrange some of those functions in some small way. If you’re the guy who is responsible about something during an event, other people will come to you instead of you having to seek out for them. That’s a good way to get to know people.

[SteveS]

And never EVER start a conservation in a mens toilet

[Rick1]

And never EVER start a conservation in a mens toilet

Unless your name is George Michael

[Pursuivant]

But he said he wanted to "know" some men

[joanmanuel]

thanks so much for your advice Jukka, and by the way Pursuivant, I mean to "know GIRLS"; maybe you have a hidden "desire" of knowing men, but that is not my case (remember you start teasing me)
also it is not that we in latinoamerica behave wrong, we have also very strong patterns of conduct, but we always see foreigners as distant and cold
a friend of mine who travel there told me that in Finland is disrespectful to invite a girl for a drink in a bar? is that really true?
cheers from Peru (land of Machu Picchu if you just do not know)

[Bubba Elvis XIV]

a friend of mine who travel there told me that in Finland is disrespectful to invite a girl for a drink in a bar? is that really true?

I would say no, it's not true...It's not viewed as dissing the ho (sorry, watching Ali G). But it's kinda viewed as a 'date', I would say it's not so common for men and women to go out together purely as friends. Of course, it does happen..but if I compare it to the UK then probably less.

But a lot of Finnish women don't like it if you offer her a drink, some feminist crap or they leech of you.

[Pursuivant]

I mean to "know GIRLS"; maybe you have a hidden "desire" of knowing men, but that is not my case (remember you start teasing me)

But you wrote:

mainly about knowing new friends (girls and men).

remember we take everything seriously and have no sense of humor... whatsoever... ever

a friend of mine who travel there told me that in Finland is disrespectful to invite a girl for a drink in a bar? is that really true?

MmmMMMmmmm.... yes and no... it depends on the situation... generally no but then again sometimes yes... and it depends on the girl too.

Ah, Peru... Sendero Luminoso leads to Alberto Fujimori

[EP]

in Finland is disrespectful to invite a girl for a drink in a bar? is that really true?

No, it is not true. But a cup of coffee is a more usual invitation. And don´t be surprised if the girl digs up her wallet and insists on paying her drink.

[Jukka Aho]

thanks so much for your advice Jukka, and by the way Pursuivant, I mean to "know GIRLS"; maybe you have a hidden "desire" of knowing men

What’s wrong with us men? :(

Social settings (bars, student parties) often involve consumption of alcohol... and that may temporarily stretch the personal space dynamics into a more tolerant direction. Especially for men. So don’t be surprised if there will be more bear-hugging, and rigorous backslapping, and wrestling while rolling on the ground naked, and other healthy social gesturing and bonding activities that young, brisk men do in those situations. But when the tongue-kissing starts, it’s usually time to head home.

a friend of mine who travel there told me that in Finland is disrespectful to invite a girl for a drink in a bar? is that really true?

Depends so much on the girl and the situation. And on your behavior too, I guess. But yes, there are girls and young women who want to pay their own bills as a matter of principle, or share the expenses 50-50, in that true egalitarian way, so as not to be beholden to anyone.

[Rabs]

in Finland is disrespectful to invite a girl for a drink in a bar?

no but don't feel disrespected if she pays her own bills

and, oh... a pic on 'a list of things to do before i leave this earth'

[Bubba Elvis XIV]

But when the tongue-kissing starts, it’s usually time to head home.

you leave at that point? that's when the night has really began!!!

Jukka is right about this male bondage...BONDING...in Finland

See Peru guy, as Jukka said there's this personal space thing in Finland but there is also a lot of (for me) unusual male behaviour. So when the average Finn get's drunk they can throw those social rules away, and release their inner feelings that are normally kept within...and then,as Jukka said, the wrestling starts, ass grabbing, jokes about being homosexual and if you're lucky maybe they'll grab your genitals too!!!

don't be too shocked by this either...jump right in and enjoy yourself.

Then the next Finnish rule comes into play...what happens in the bar, stays in the bar...So it's ok, no one will talk about it the next day.

[Jukka Aho]

and if you're lucky maybe they'll grab your genitals too!!!

There’s even a word for that: homokahmaisu. (Look it up on Google if you don’t believe me.)

[joanmanuel]

remember we take everything seriously and have no sense of humor... whatsoever... ever

oh, sorry man; I did not want to be disrespectful, yes you are right, I must chill down and take things with a little bit of humor

Ah, Peru... Sendero Luminoso leads to Alberto Fujimori

oh, come on! that is not really true (eventhough our actual President Alan García really sucks!!!), but all that stuff of Sendero Luminoso is old story, but if anyone is planning to visit Peru as a tourist could come to me for some valuable advice