divorced parents and the decision of school location

grandi · Post by **grandi** » Sun Jan 20, 2013 6:56 pm

Hello,

I am a male foreigner, divorced from a Finn. We have joint custody over the children, a boy of 6 and a girl of 5, but both children are registered at my address.

The oldest one is turning 7 soon and needs to go to school.

The problem is that the ex doesn't like the school he is registered for automatically (my district) . She wants him to go to the same school as the older step brother is going (some distance away). He is 10. It is however, too far for my taste, and all the children in my neighbourhood go to 2 other schools.

One of these schools is between the ex's address and mine. I suggested that as a compromise. It is a nice school. The other school is the one he is automatically registered for by the system, the one she doesn't like.

She doesn't seem willing to compromise and I am not going to give in either and go with her view because it will mean problems for me and my children later on.

Friends will not visit from that far away school. I know that because my step-son (10) also still lives with me and his friends only visit in the summer. When they can bicycle. My youngest one (5) has already lots of friends in the neighbourhood school, and they go mostly to the school I suggested as a compromise. The oldest one (almost 7) is now in eskari and of his friends there, half will go to the compromise I suggested, and the other half to the school the ex suggested.

Does anyone know if I would have the right to register the children in the school of my choice alone, because they live at my address? I don't want to, but a decision has to be made soon. If not, are they any other possible solutions? It seems that the ex is unwilling at this point in time to compromise on this matter. She keeps making up new arguments. And now time is running out.

I already told her, that I will just see her at the registration at the school the city suggested if we can't reach a compromise, the one she doesn't like. I would also prefer another school, but I can live with the original choice.

Hope it made sense.

**Sponsor:**

rinso · Post by **rinso** » Mon Jan 21, 2013 8:36 am

I would say just register at the nearby school.
When you cannot reach an agreement social services makes the decision for you and that would be the automatic allocated school.

She keeps making up new arguments.

It depends how serious the arguments are if they are taken into consideration.
I think your arguments as the care giving parent have more weight.

Does going to the nearby school prevent him from visiting his mother according to the visiting arrangement? If not, she has very little good arguments left.

grandi · Post by **grandi** » Mon Jan 21, 2013 10:50 am

The school I prefer is just as far away from her place as the school she prefers. The school I prefer is right in the middle of both our places. The school she prefers is close to her place but far from my place.

She will be moving soon, but she isn't saying where to. I can't really plan on non-information.

grandi · Post by **grandi** » Tue Jan 22, 2013 11:34 am

I have contacted the principal of the school and he shared the information that the child is always enrolled in the school where his address is, unless both custodians agree on a different school, and then only if there is space available for this child.

fatforeigner · Post by **fatforeigner** » Fri Jan 25, 2013 1:59 pm

Good! The child/children should go to the school nearest to the home where the child resides most of the time. I mean if there's a divorce. It's a place where the child can make good friends and it's just so much easier and will make the child so much happier.

So many children in Finland spend their afternoons alone while parents are at work. For instance, my son does. If he went to the school near his Father, who he doesn't live with, he'd just come home to my place and be alone. But because he goes to the school near our home, he has all his friends to play with in the afternoons and have entertainment and whatnot. Weekends too.

Your ex is just being selfish and not thinking about what is best for her child/children.

grandi · Post by **grandi** » Thu Jan 31, 2013 8:02 pm

It seems that I am in need of a lawyer. The ex has actually send me a letter from a public lawyer today demanding that the school location is negotiated (again - he was already registered by me at the default school because we couldn't reach an agreement).

It is all very tiresome.

It's a letter from a lawyer from the Helsingin Oikeusaputoimisto with no clear purpose in it, except it demands that we (both parents) should agree on the school (although the system apparently doesn't work like that according to how i understand it. The city allocates a school and if both parents agree they can register the child somewhere else. If not, then not). It doesn't really say much about the legal purpose of the letter. Except that they expect an answer before a certain date.

I think the best course of action is that I just get a lawyer and let him/her reply.

Does anyone know a good family lawyer in the helsinki area who also speaks English? You can PM me the information if you want to.

cors187 · Post by **cors187** » Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:43 pm

Sorry mate, im not much help, im just thinking if my wife did the same to me.
Basically forcing extra expense on the whole situation.The school thing is irrelevant for both parents, the kids are old enough to understand the pros and cons of each school when you explain it to them.
I think a cost indicator should be visible and study-able for the early years of divorce, it basically shows to anyone who looks at it who is the retarded and cost defective individual(and that's what they are) who represents loss of income and hardship induced situations.

cors187 · Post by **cors187** » Fri Feb 01, 2013 12:01 am

The city allocates a school

again - he was already registered by me at the default school

To me that proves that the common registration bylaws are already considered to be acceptable to both parties.
I would ring your wife's lawyer by phone and cite local school bylaws which puts the emphasis on her proving "other grounds for change of registration"
The wife's lawyer needs to provide you with sufficient advise as to why the common registration bylaws are to be neglected.Throw that in the retarded fin lawyers face.

rinso · Post by **rinso** » Fri Feb 01, 2013 6:42 am

cors187 wrote: I would ring your wife's lawyer by phone and cite local school bylaws which puts the emphasis on her proving "other grounds for change of registration"
The wife's lawyer needs to provide you with sufficient advise as to why the common registration bylaws are to be neglected.Throw that in the retarded fin lawyers face.

Don't contact the opponents lawyer without legal advice first. Each contact can be misused as an argument you agreed to renegotiate.

grandi wrote:It seems that I am in need of a lawyer

http://www.asianajajaliitto.fi/english

grandi · Post by **grandi** » Fri Feb 01, 2013 8:35 am

I must admit my first thought was to contact my ex's lawyer, but then I thought that there is just too much at stake. My children are the most important thing to me. So maybe it is better to invest in a good lawyer.

irnbru · Post by **irnbru** » Fri Feb 01, 2013 5:25 pm

why waste money on a lawyer if you know what the law is? Just register them at your local school and ignore the lawyer. All the lawyer seems to be able to do is write you letters and charge your ex for it. let her waste her money.

Rip · Post by **Rip** » Fri Feb 01, 2013 5:35 pm

irnbru wrote:why waste money on a lawyer if you know what the law is? Just register them at your local school and ignore the lawyer. All the lawyer seems to be able to do is write you letters and charge your ex for it. let her waste her money.

If it is from oikeusapu, then she seems to be able to waste other people's money. Your advice maybe valid, but can one be sure the letter can be safely ignored?

rinso · Post by **rinso** » Fri Feb 01, 2013 5:39 pm

why waste money on a lawyer if you know what the law is? Just register them at your local school and ignore the lawyer. All the lawyer seems to be able to do is write you letters and charge your ex for it. let her waste her money.

It is not as simple as that. If you refuse a reasonable request you might harm your position, even if the law agrees with you.
When you go fencing with a lawyer, he probably can lure you into some mistakes.
I think it is indeed a scare tactic and you shouldn't be worried, but you should deal with it carefully.

enkeligod · Post by **enkeligod** » Fri Feb 01, 2013 7:07 pm

The best way to protect and defend is to Attack!

Upphew · Post by **Upphew** » Fri Feb 01, 2013 7:18 pm

enkeligod wrote:The best way to protect and defend is to Attack!

Nuclear holocaust it is then.

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