Being a father from abroad

Family life in Finland from kindergartens, child education, language schooling and everyday life. Share information and experiences. Network with other families.
Post Reply
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Sep 12, 2019 11:04 am

Being a father from abroad

Post by jochenjens » Thu Sep 12, 2019 12:05 pm


I am the father of a beautiful and intelligent 1.5 year old daughter. Unfortunately my relationship with the mother broke already during the early pregnancy which is why my daughter is now living in Finland with the mother (who has single custody and is Finnish), while I am living in France (I am not Finnish and do not speak the language). Over the past two years we tried to work on our problems to maybe ultimately become a family after all. We made good progress and I frequently flew to Finland to spend time with my daughter.

Recently, however, our communication broke down completely after a fight. I don't know anymore what is happening in my daughters life and was also denied to visit her. So far we didn't have a visitation agreement (it wasn't necessary), but of course I am now trying to get just that. But even then, it seems very hard to organise visits from abroad if there is no cooperation from the mother. I would at some point like to have a relationship with my daughter that allows me to take her with me for a week to France and spend time with her, but I feel very frustrated that this might never be possible if I can only see her once every two months for a day or two in a hotel room or expensive holiday cottage in Finland.

Has anyone experience with a similar situation? What is the standpoint the child welfare office takes if we do not manage to agree on the visitation agreement? How can I stay a part of her life from here? Is there any help from the Finnish state? How did you organise visits from abroad that were meaningful enough to establish a relationship between you and the child? How did it go once the child started to speak and you didn't have a common language? Of course it would be best for everybody involved if the mother and I would manage to get on speaking terms again. Are there possibilities to get professional help for us (maybe via skype) and did it work for you? My biggest fear is that ultimately all my trying and potential fighting with the mother will be harmful for my daughter and that I absolutely do not want.

Lastly, do you know if there are any forums or groups for fathers in situations like mine? This all is incredibly hard and emotional for me and I feel talking might help.

Thanks for all the help!

Being a father from abroad


Finland Forum Ad-O-Matic

Post Reply