marriage in shambles

Meri-Tuuli · Post by **Meri-Tuuli** » Fri Jan 19, 2007 12:58 pm

Well finnmom,

Part of me agrees with you. Other parts don't. I'm speaking as the child of two parents who divorced when I was 8. Actually, my father just left me and my mom out of the blue one day. My parents have had SEVEN marriages between them and I have three half brothers. Needless to say I love all my brothers as if they were 'proper' brothers, and we were bought up as such. I really do think divorce damages the children. I know I have been seriously affected by it. But then, my situtation is very different from the one being described here. I think this guy really will play an active role in his daughters up bringing. And thats the important thing. A guy (or woman for that matter) could still be living with his partner and the kids, but if he stays all day at work and never helps or does anything with them, then he's probably a worse father than someone who is lives apart but actively does stuff. And the same goes for divorced dads. One pal of mine's father only came home at the weekend and things like that.

Then again, it ain't much fun being a single parent family. My mother struggled alot I know.

Hmm. I think if you manage it well, remain 'friends' and don't ever ever show any bitterness for your ex-wife in front of your kid, things can be okay. Plus your kid is young enough now not to remember what it was like to have Dad living at home, which I think will make a big difference.

Yeah. The worse thing in the world is the amount of bitterness my parents have for each other. Its just plain awful being the kid hearing one parent completely and utterly going on about how awful your other parent is.

But I do think divorce is preferable to an unhappy marriage.

**Sponsor:**

littlefrank · Post by **littlefrank** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 11:47 am

Finmom, I have never heard such unadulterated and simplistic crap for a very long time, you have absolutely no idea about children and their problems regarding divorce, nor have you read any information with regards to dealing with these problems. I suggest you go and read something on the subject before you offer anymore of your 'pearls of wisdom'.

You sound like the person who dumped annoymous comments on 'Xochiquetzal' site, maybe her and Neil could compare IP addresses?

Hank W. · Post by **Hank W.** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 2:09 pm

I don't think it was Xochie, but scooby who got them anonymous letters

littlefrank · Post by **littlefrank** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 2:13 pm

Damn these morphine trips.

scoobymcdoo · Post by **scoobymcdoo** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 2:32 pm

I deleted my 'message' before I had the chance to find out the IP addresses. Oh well!

littlefrank · Post by **littlefrank** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 2:41 pm

Pity because I don't think any of the regulars on this forum would be shy about leaving their names, though they might be shy about meeting you in a dark secluded place.

kalmisto · Post by **kalmisto** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 4:31 pm

>> Also, I remember reading about some priest who serves as a marriage counselor (who doesn't let religion intrude into things). Could someone give me his name? <<

Orlando Molina (09) 7092 401, orlando.molina@evl.fi

Cynde · Post by **Cynde** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 3:51 pm

I haven't been around here for a while but what a hot topic! First of all they need to get the 'I hate' out of their lives and the first letter did say he was looking for this Orlando guy. Start there and please say you are going to stay living nearby your child. I see a lot of kids in my work and have seen lots of successful divorces with active happy parents including healthy interaction with new families. It can work if you choose to make it work.
People need to treat each other with respect and not blast them brainlessly like Little Frank just blasted Finnmom right here for all to see. Geesh.
Cynde

littlefrank · Post by **littlefrank** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 5:32 pm

'People need to treat each other with respect and not blast them brainlessly like Little Frank just blasted Finnmom'

Errr isn't it hypocritical to say you should treat people with respect, then say I 'brainlessly' blast someone, not that I give a F***. basically if people come out with idiotic statements such as 'finmom' did, then they deserve to be blasted 'brainlessly or otherwise. Nice to see you back on the board 'Cynde' , whoever you are? Try not to double post.

Cynde · Post by **Cynde** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 8:21 pm

Sorry, mindless would have been a better word. It's a forum and members are entitled to their points of view, I would assume. To divorce or not to divorce can be debated but a verbal bludgeoning for a point of view you don't agree with, seemed asinine under the circumstances.
Thanks for welcoming me back, and I'll try not to double post again.
Cynde

littlefrank · Post by **littlefrank** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 9:04 pm

'Sorry, mindless would have been a better word.'

OOOh respect sister, right on, the next time you read a page on Google about children and divorced parents, try to get past the first sentence, it might help your understanding. The fact that my daughter still thinks I like her mummy and her mummy still likes me, speaks volumes about how we put our feelings aside for the benefit of our daughter, also family counselling and our daughters social workers think that considering all the !"#¤% that she's been through she's a happy and caring child.

Separating when there's a child/children involved is a very painful business for all, so maybe you should expect an extreme reaction in response to ill informed and ridiculous comments such as yours and finnmoms. I shall not respond to anymore of your comments because a) You don't have any idea about what you're talking about. b) I will get so annoyed with your juvenile ideas that this thread will end up locked, which isn't a bad idea.

simon · Post by **simon** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 9:10 pm

littlefrank wrote:'Sorry, mindless would have been a better word.'

OOOh respect sister, right on, the next time you read a page on Google about children and divorced parents, try to get past the first sentence, it might help your understanding. The fact that my daughter still thinks I like her mummy and her mummy still likes me, speaks volumes about how we put our feelings aside for the benefit of our daughter, also family counselling and our daughters social workers think that considering all the !"#¤% that she's been through she's a happy and caring child.

Separating when there's a child/children involved is a very painful business for all, so maybe you should expect an extreme reaction in response to ill informed and ridiculous comments such as yours and finnmoms. I shall not respond to anymore of your comments because a) You don't have any idea about what you're talking about. b) I will get so annoyed with your juvenile ideas that this thread will end up locked, which isn't a bad idea.

LF,

Respect

NC · Post by NC » Wed Jan 31, 2007 9:27 pm

Finnish goverment likes to appoint joined custody of child/children. Unless one of the parents is unfit or uncarring.
And that (joined custody) usually is in the best interest of the child.

On a side note no one should get divorced while in hate.

If you hate your wife and your wife hates you, you two are not yet ready to divorce and have a joined custody of your child.

Trust me I've seen cases where the parents issues have damaged the child.

Even if you want to divorce have councelling first to get rid of you hate and resentment towards each other.

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