Outi...jailed in US over custody battle

[littlefrank]

"Mothers get the better sympathy from both press and law"..
You kept your cool and also access to your daughter'

Well I managed to keep my 'cool' because of friends and messages of support from people off this forum. But the main issue apart from access was 'joint custody' which I still have . If I did not have joint custody then I would have had no say whatsoever in where Eili went to school, whether she could leave Finland etc.


But in Finland it is very difficult to lose joint custody, once you have it. The attitudes of the 'law' are changing from the 'mother is best' to 'both parents are equal' which is obviously good. I found the judge (female)sympathetic, and all the social workers (5 departments) gave me good advice and quickly responded to my phone calls and messages even though I don't speak Finnish. The court social workers seem to 'bully' the both of us into making an agreement out of court, which we did.


But I'm glad the ex and I aren't 'famous', to have my child the subject of the press would make me considerably angry, no matter whose side they took. And also when I split up, I made the decision not to leave Finland even though Britain and a better lifestyle is only a 3 hour plane journey away, I want to be near my daughter in case she needs me.

[Paul_D]

What would YOU do?

I'd ask my problematic relative to get a lawyer, I'd keep this issue on the sympathy level (poor you, that american man of yours was a bad guy, I hope you'll get the kids back, etc.), and I would kindly explain to my problematic relative that I just can't do anything, even if I am a Deputy Speaker of Parliament, even if the brother in law of my step-mother is the minister of Justice.

Sorting this kind of situation is a task for lawyers, not for politicians. There is not much to win as a politician when getting involved in those private affairs, and there is much to lose.

I'd think that I may get problems by using of my power for such issues, and I think I'd be very unwise and annoying to ask for help from a person I know in some higher position.

/Paul

[enk]

What would YOU do?

Not kidnap my kids for a start.

And yes, Markku Koski was the one I was thinking about, but after a while
I started thinking I'd confused it with the Comet case to some degree.

-enk

[Rosamunda]

I have had no news for a long time as my eldest is no longer in the Espoo school with the rest of his classmates who also knew Alex.

I feel sorry for Outi and I feel sorry for the kids. I probably know less about the details of the case than any of you (I don't read Iltalehti...). But it does strike me as absurd that the Le Hague Convention somehow managed to estrange this mother from her sons quasi permanently (at least for several years as Alex was only 12 yrs when they were sent back to the US). I vaguely remember the father saying in an interview in Finland that he would NOT prevent the boys from seeing their mother in the future, this was before they were sent back to the US and he was also fishing for sympathy from the Finnish public. Well, seems like he changed his mind.

Yes, she probably messed up totally, didn't play by the rules.... but when I knew them they were a happy family and it seems rather extreme that she should pay such a high price for her mistakes.

And, if I remember correctly, it was never made completely clear (in the press at least) whether the wishes of the children were ever taken into account by The Powers That Be; before, during or since.

[enk]

I vaguely remember the father saying in an interview in Finland that he would NOT prevent the boys from seeing their mother in the future, this was before they were sent back to the US and he was also fishing for sympathy from the Finnish public. Well, seems like he changed his mind.

The father did say that, but IMO once it went to the courts to begin
with it was out of his hands. That's why I remember him saying it
in some newspaper, because I thought to myself: "it's not up to him
anymore".

-enk