Divorce Question

[Pursuivant]

In FINLAND; there is NO excuse for a person to spend 12+ hours at work.

If you're a self-employed enterpreneur or commute much you easily pull those days. Bills need to be paid.

[Flossy1978]

Thank you everyone for all the helpful advice.

He has said I can try, but he's not sure if it's enough to make him want to stay though. He doesn't know if he can get the feelings he has lost, back. That is what is killing me inside. I have horrible burning feelings in my stomach and chest. That's what is making me cry so much. I am living in fear. I think I am a pretty good wife to him. Not perfect, but maybe alot better than anyone else could be.

It's not that he works alot, but the hours that he is working. He has his own hours, he goes into work at about 9am and doesn't come till after 9pm. I am in bed at 9pm because I have to get up at 5am. He has to work so much because he's a boss who is always needed there. It makes it harder because he's also my big boss, so if we divorce, what do I do? He said he would still care for me and make sure nothing happened to me there, but you just don't know. I can't get any other work, I don't have any special education. I like my job. I've been doing it for almost 9 years.

On Monday I have a doctor's appointment. I am going to get some medication to help me cope, because this burning feeling and crying is too much. I need to be strong for my little boy.

[ajdias]

You know, this is a public forum, this section is even indexed by and reachable through Google and you probably should be careful of what you write bc it is easy for us users to jump to conclusions without knowing much of you.
Instead, talk to people who can help you understand the social dynamics and complexity of relationships, listen to the advice of ladies here and elsewhere who have been to similar situations and help yourself feel good about yourself.

[Sara]

He has said I can try, but he's not sure if it's enough to make him want to stay though. He doesn't know if he can get the feelings he has lost, back. That is what is killing me inside..

This stuck out to me, more than anything else you have wrote.

Why should all the effort come from you? He should want to try and work things out for your child, and for both of you. Quite frankly if he isnt prepared to make some effort and changes he can go swing. You need to sit him down and ask what he is going to do to try and fix your relationship.

If it does come to seperating, he can move out as you need to stop there with your child. The less disruption for him the better.

[Flossy1978]

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[jhnn]

Hi,
Maybe they could offer you some help in the Crisis centre for foreigners if you haven't been in touch with them already?
http://www.mielenterveysseura.fi/tukea_ ... gners.html

Best of luck in a very hard situation!

[Rip]

It takes way more than 140€ a month to raise a child. Wow....

Just noting that (what ever the actual sum in any individual case is deemed to be) it is not really supposed to be what it takes to raise the child - it is supposed to be the other parents just share of the total cost.

[rinso]

Täh? I don't get this one at all. So the "off-site" parent can throw a few euro toward the food, maintenance, clothes, hobbies, etc..

It's even worse, if the wife depends on social security, they can take the money the husband provides into account.

[Rip]

It takes way more than 140€ a month to raise a child. Wow....

Just noting that (what ever the actual sum in any individual case is deemed to be) it is not really supposed to be what it takes to raise the child - it is supposed to be the other parents just share of the total cost.

Täh? I don't get this one at all. So the "off-site" parent can throw a few euro toward the food, maintenance, clothes, hobbies, etc...knowing that they are not putting even a 1/4 towards the real cost of raising the child? If this is true, I see my ex in a totally different light. He's gone 1/2, literally, with everything.

I don't see where I said anything about "few euro's". Assuming roughly similar incomes 50:50 would seem to me a reasonable starting point for distribution of costs (just my opinion and assumption. I am not a lawyer and luckily I have not needed to look into these matters from personal reason either). I was merely trying to point out that since also the parent with whom the children continue living is supposed carry his (or more likely her) part of the financial burden, one should not even expect other parent's payment to fully cover the costs of growing children.

[Flossy1978]

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[ajdias]

He has already told me I can't leave the country with our son

Does anyone have any good links or information about this - in which situations a parent can leave the country with the kid, what rights does he have?
Specifically, I am looking at a situation where the parents have joint custody, kid lives officially with one parent, is there most of the time. Does any of the parents have the right to go on holiday abroad without the other consent - within or outside EU borders, or even to relocate abroad? Tx.

[Flossy1978]

I meant in my statement that I can't pack my son up and go home to my own country to live without permission from his Father.

I think it's ok to go on holidays with your children if you have permission.

[ajdias]

Thanks for your replies. Things have been settled in an agreeable way, but sometimes bargaining comes into play and that's why the legal aspect is of interest. You know your rights, your duties based on the general law.